Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
