Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
