Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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