You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
