people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
