He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
