fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
