Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
