all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
