now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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