thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
