ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
