I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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