I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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