I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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