Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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