what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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