Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
don't judge my taste in strippers
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
