he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i used baking grease as lip gloss
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
