Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
