I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You ate ashes out of my bong
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
