i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
