Say something about gay babies.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
