Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize