What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
