Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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