How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
