The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
