Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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