apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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