the condom got lost in my hair
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you would pick up someone in the library
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
