their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
