since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
