I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
