I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I have post one night stand depression
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
