to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
