How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
