He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
