I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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