The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
