I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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