Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
