I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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