My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
