i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
