i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize