I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize