Pregnant stripper...not hot.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
