A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
