Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
