he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
