I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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