I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
