The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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