did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
