If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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