I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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