"it" just moved
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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