so explain again why im purple
no
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
