Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
