Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
